Judgment. I No More Care

A girl with a cigarette in her hand means she’s bad girl.

A girl/ a boy with many friends from the opposite sex means she or he loves to flirt along.

Those who cover their head with veil are better, kinder, and wiser, bla bla bla than those who don’t.

Those who change their girl/boyfriend with quite high frequency are “player” .

But do we really know them?

I personally, of course like the way the others, sometimes feel bothered to be judged by others.

In this issue I got a plenty examples. One of my former class mate in high school said that I've been changed into a girl attached with "gaul" term. He also said that I've been changed at campus, the way I dress, act, socialize, bla bla bla. He said it through a photo comment in my facebook. Those who are my friends in my account can read it. He was joking, he said. But those who don't really know me will be able to conclude and think that's the way I am, take it as a serious thing, a real thing.

I got mad. He apologized by sending me fb message, so did other friends who know me and don't like the way he joke around. They know about that because of the notification. They also thanked me for being strict to him. It took quite long time for me to accept his apology. I don’t care.

That’s one example.

I hate if I dress this way they'll thing that I'm bla bla bla. If I speak that way they'll think that I am this kind of person. The way I looked. The way I laugh. Please, please, please don't judge me! They may think they know me, know what they see, but please don't go too far and put me into a judgment.

Moreover by stranger. We don't know each other. Stop stare that way, stop scanning me!! My hair, my shoe, my clothes, bag, etc. STOP!

But then I recall my memory into a situation few months ago. Well, last year then :p

I took angkot for going home. Well it’s not so late, around 9 pm. I was on my way home from Cilandak. A moment before I stop the angkot, the driver, well known as “the abang (mas – mas) angkot” asked me:

Abang angkot: “Pulang kerja atau kuliah, Neng?” asked him.

I then corrected my mind, he’s not abang, he’s mas – mas, because his tone explicitly tells that he’s a Javanese, although he called me Neng, I count it as one of environment- influence, like 1 of my friend, Supri talks “elo – gue” to me or others. (Hehehe,,)

Me: “Oh, nggak, kan hari ini Hari Minggu, jadi kuliahnya libur. Baru pulang ngajar..”

Mas angkot: “Oh, masih kuliah sambil ngajar.. Apa Neng? SD atau SMP? Ngajar apa?”

Me: “ SD..Matematik sama Inggris” I replied with a smile, a thing that I would do every time I already feels safe, in a public transportation. Of course those who often use them know what I mean.

Mas Angkot ; “Wah, Alhamdulillah, ya Neng..” he smiled.

That time I suddenly thank God that there’s still a stranger exists, who support me and not let me down by not trusting me that I can teach, that I am a teacher. My reason for saying so is, why people always prefer to give bad or negative comments towards others? Why we refuse to give other support, and choose to let others down, by our mouths, attitudes, or even just through a single stare.

One day, I came to my other student, who lives in an apartment in Pakubuwono area. Let me tell you, almost all the time, I feel tortured every time I get in to the apartment. Not because of the burden to teach, not at all. But to pass the gates to get in. Meeting those security men who can’t admit that there’re many of bright people in Indonesia, to teach foreigner.

They, actually don’t believe their self. I used to feel ashamed. Angry.

Since:

Mas Security in front gate: "Selamat sore Mba. Mau kmn?"

Me: "Ke tower *** ngajar, Mas."

Then the mas took a stare at me, a weird one. I count it as examining me as not looked old enough to teach, not that geek enough too, and other not to… may be then not to do the job.

I then left him quickly, a second after he finished checking my bag.

Mba Receiptionist: “Sore Mba.. Mau kmn?”

I replied the same template answer like before.

She gave me the same template of stare like the mas security guard did to me.

Should I tell them that I love Maths and English?

Should I always bring and show them my certificates when I was in schools, for winning Math &English Competition, for becoming the best student?

Should I tell them that, teacher is the messenger? That my communication study at college gives me bunch of things that let me know how to treat and react toward others. And that’s the key for delivering messages, whatever it is, include school materials is one thing, COMMUNICATION?

Should I looked old, or nerd to be able to teach? Is it my mistake to wear my pump shoes despite of weird pair of shoes that never mix to my clothes I’m wearing? What’s the matter with my youngness?

Is the image of teacher that bad? Okay, I’m not saying it as bad, but that terrible and sad?

Then by the time I try to understand them, understand what, how, and why they think about things. I then start to let them, think what they think what my things are about. Now I just give them a smile every time they think or treat me not in good way. Well I no more care. I free them. They just don’t understand. It's an okay.

So I finally let then think what my things are about.

PS: Thank to Mas angkot who gave me new perspective, understanding, and strength.